I apologize ahead of time. The contents of this post may not be appropriate for the audience that reads this...actually I don't even know who my audience really is. Not sure how many people take the time to read this, but I remind you that my original and ever-faithful audience here is some non-existent, non-judgmental entity since this is my diary. I just need to vent some teeny tiny little things that in the grand scheme of life don't actually get to count as problems. I know this.
I am 38 weeks pregnant. And thrilled to death about it. Beyond thrilled. My appointment this week went well...baby's heartbeat was 148, my blood pressure was good, still 1cm but up to 50% effaced for whatever that's worth. The doctor said (as he was checking my cervix) that he could feel baby's head pushing back at him. I am so happy and excited and loving this baby. But, I am also 38 weeks pregnant and experiencing much of what I assume other 38 week pregnant women experience. I'll spare you the details, but it's no walk in the park. And the person who is supposed to be rubbing my feet at night and cooking me dinner and pampering my pregnant @$$ is 6 hours away. Which is hard...but we're both dealing with it and it's working. Again...thrilled to be experiencing every second of this pregnancy...thrilled at what it all leads to in a couple short weeks...THRILLED beyond words!! But frickin' exhausted and emotional and uncomfortable. I don't need (or for that matter want) anyone's sympathy, but what I am really really getting tired of is the assumption that because I look like I am "all baby" or because I look "so little" or because I look "so great" must mean I feel fantastic too.
Just today I went to get some vaccines (TDAP & Flu) per my doctor's advice. The pharmacist came out and told me that, "I'm sorry, I can only give the TDAP vaccine in the third trimester and it looks like you have a ways to go." I suppose this is a compliment. Sort of. I told him I had 2 weeks until my due date and he seemed taken aback. I feel pretty safe saying no pregnant woman wants to be told she looks huge or that she looks tiny. To be "normal" is perfection in pregnancy-world.
I sort of do feel like I am shrinking though...because baby seems to move lower and lower every day increasing the back pain and pelvic pressure that I'm experiencing. And people think I "look great" because they can't see I have an entire baby head between my legs. It's totally manageable, but gets in the way of ever being comfortable. So...also, don't tell me to "get sleep now." I know, I know...I will be up with a baby at all hours of the day and night. Good sleep will be hard to come by for the unforeseeable future. I will be a new kind of exhausted after baby's arrival. But...that doesn't mean that right now I can just cruise in dreamland for a blissful 8 hours a night. Ummm...far from it...especially when you add a sick dog to the eensy-weensy bladder & discomfort of being in the 9th month of pregnancy.
And one more thing. I told my principal about my decision to stop working on the 3rd and he was sort of weird about it. He seemed kind of peeved. And less-than-pleased. And maybe a bit rude. And not so understanding. I don't know if it's because he too assumed that I must feel fine or maybe he thought my due date was further away than it really is. Or maybe it's because he is a guy and can't quite imagine what it's like to have a person hanging out in your pelvis in an organ that has expanded to something like 2000x its original size. Or maybe it's because by leaving a week earlier than I originally planned I have significantly decreased the chances that he will fulfill his bizarre dream of transporting a laboring teacher to the hospital in the back of his truck. Like an animal. Every time a staff member is pregnant he talks about it. I personally can't imagine nothing more horrifying.
Maybe it wasn't him at all...maybe it was me being over-sensitive and emotional and reading into his reaction. Whatever it was, it bugged me. I am busting my butt at school...putting in 10 hour days on a regular basis and coming home with nothing left, but still having to suck it up and get stuff done at home too. AND I still have so much to do before my leave!!!
And to top it all off, the sick dog keeps farting and assaulting my nose...even with the special diet of blended, boiled chicken and rice that the vet told me to implement to reboot her digestive system. As if the nauseous feeling I get in the evenings wasn't enough on its own!
So there you have it...apparently I am that pregnant woman that complains about ridiculous little things and drives you crazy because "Why can't she just be grateful, damn it!" Again, I'm sorry. I know how ridiculous it must all sound.
I leave you with this...my 38-week bump picture through the lens of a first grader...
"...all the right curves in all the right places:)"