What's in a name?

Before school got out...before I even had the gender revealing ultrasound...I asked my students what they thought I should name our baby and why.  I wasn't really looking for their input, just curious what their little six-year-old minds would come up with.  You know, kids say the darndest things!  I was surprised at how reasonable most of their selections were.  Here are the lists I got:

Girls: 
Angel (because it's cute), Leah (it's easy to say), Alexis (maybe you will like it), Flower (it's a pretty name that a lot of people are going to love), Emily (it's cute and really pretty), "Sharlitt" (sorry, I had to write it the way she spelled it because I thought it was sweet), Liv (it is cute), Rosy (it's a "butefull" name for little girls), and Red Rose (because her cheeks might be red).

Boys:
"Arin" James (because I have a friend named Aaron), Jack (it's a good name for a little boy), "Tomis" (It's like the movie Thomas), Mitchel (it's a pretty name for a boy), Tony (it's a cool name), Tom (Tom is a name people are never going to forget), Joey (Joey sounds like a baby's name), Toby (it is easy to write...Lol, because she wrote "Tobe"), and Swimmer (because you like the river).

Alright, so there is a story to go along with the last one.  The little guy who came up with "Swimmer" was really putting a lot of thought into it.  He came up to me with a furrowed brow and asked,  "What do you and your husband like to do when you're not working?"

I answered that we liked to cook and read and watch movies.

He thought some more, but didn't seem impressed or pleased with my response and so he added, "Well, what about outside things?"

I said we liked to walk our dogs.

Again, not thrilled with my response.  He huffed a little and the furrow in his brow got tighter.  "Do you like to do anything FUN in the summer?" was his third question.

I told him I like to run and go to the lake.

Finally he seemed  satisfied.  In fact, his index finger shot up, his eyebrows raised, and his mouth popped open with a classic "Aha!  I've got it!"

A few minutes later he comes back to show me his paper that had a picture of me and my husband swimming...and I had a very round belly with a baby inside.  Below it read "If the baby is a boy, his name should be Swimmer because you like the river."

I loved how much thought he put into the name...how he wanted it to be meaningful to me.  That's what I want...maybe not "Swimmer"...but a name with a lot of thought put into it...that feels meaningful.  

Along with feeling kicks, having ultrasounds, and decorating a nursery, perhaps one of the most fun parts of expecting a baby is picking out a name.  Or at least, I always kind of thought that part would be fun.  Don't get me wrong.  It's not that I'm not having fun looking through the name books and making lists...but it is HARD man!

If we were having a girl it might be a different story.  We didn't even have to crack a book and we had about 4 names lined up that we both really liked.

But the boy names haven't come so easy...JT leans towards pretty traditional and common boy names, where I lean toward the names that are a little more unique (but not too weird).  And I think the fact that my husband is the third of his name (the "T" in JT stands for "three") has a lot to do with our struggle to pick a name.   

The name is one of those things people want to know.  It's definitely in the top four pregnancy questions: How are you feeling?  Do you know the gender? When are you due?  Do you have a name picked out?

I always thought the name would be the part we kept to ourselves...the surprise factor for everyone else.  But I feel like everybody already feels like they know.  My in-laws have been calling him J4 since before we even knew he was a he.  I know they are just excited and it is a fun little nickname and maybe even a bit of a joke/all in good fun...but it bugs me a little that they named my baby before I did.  And my family isn't very good at hiding their curiosity about if the name will continue.  I get the feeling that they think if we do continue the name that I am weak and spineless.  Nobody has said that...I could be completely making it up.  But it's just a feeling I get.  There are certainly pros and cons to carrying the name forward another generation.  I can see both sides.  JT keeps telling me to block it all out.  That it is just noise...and he is our baby and the name is our choice.  It's a HARD choice though...I feel like there is lots of pressure around the decision and I feel like the surprise element I was hoping for is diminished significantly.

But to some degree it still will be a surprise.  We haven't settled on a name, but we both are willing to give.  Marriage requires a lot of compromise...plenty of give and take.  It's just too bad that someone is going to have to give on this one.  I also always thought I would never name my baby until I met him/her face to face...I would have some ideas in mind and "front-runners," but I would wait just to make sure the name felt right.  I still plan to do that...I just hope it is abundantly clear in that moment of meeting him what he should be called.  Because at this point, if I am going to be perfectly honest, I am not overly excited about any of the names at the top of our list.  Nothing feels "perfect."  Maybe he'll just be Ziggy forever.  Maybe there's a lesson in there for me...I rebelled against "Ziggy" at first and now I love it because it is attached to this little guy I can't get enough of.  What's in a name anyway?  Maybe it's not the name that needs to be meaningful...the person will give meaning to the name. 

What do you think?  If you have kids, did the naming process come easy? If you don't have kids yet, have you already begun the name discussion?  Did you have to compromise?

 

Bump-date and Nursery Photos

Hey y'all.  Just wanted to get some updated bump pictures posted along with what I've been up to in the nursery.

Thursday marks 28 weeks and the beginning of my third and FINAL trimester.  Woah!  12 weeks (assuming Ziggy is punctual) to go just sounds nuts.

Here are the latest bump pictures...

26 weeks (above)
27 weeks (below)

 

I don't feel like I look all that different in the pictures than I did weeks ago, but I sure feel bigger.  Especially in my toosh and thighs:/

And my husband assures me that we are getting bigger every weekend when he comes home. I have my glucose appointment tomorrow and a check up, so I will be eager to hear from a professional that Ziggy and I are both growing the way we should.

As far as symptom updates go, things are still pretty smooth sailing.  Yay! 

I feel good overall, but am getting more (and longer) Braxton Hicks contractions and had some more insane calf cramps again this weekend.  Ouch!  I don't have any new cravings (ooo...except maybe oreos), but my go-to diet includes lots of fruit, milk, cheese, and ice cream.  I try to balance it out with some veggies (carrots and cucumbers are my latest fad) and protein (normally in the form of chicken or peanut butter).  I don't have any foods that completely gross me out, but have no real desire to eat Mexican food.

Ziggy is moving more...or just getting bigger...so I'm feeling him more.  I love when I can SEE him move.  It's absolutely my favorite thing...I just really wish I knew how he was situated each time I feel something.  Was that a foot? An elbow? A little fist?  He's been doing this thing (I think with his little butt) where he pushes or stretches and it kind of pops out just to the left of my belly button.  It cracks me up because I look completely lopsided and have this hard, but rounded, bump jutting out.

I just love this kid. 

I've been spending lots of time working on his nursery.  I didn't take any true "before" pictures because they would have been embarrassing.  And depressing.  The room that is now the nursery has always, ever since we moved in to this house, in my mind been the nursery.  At first we just threw my twin bed, night stand, and dresser in from college and it was a simple guest room.  It looked nice, but those things were just place-holders.  Later, we made a nicer guest room with a bigger bed and moved the dresser and nightstand out into that other guest room.  So the nursery housed a lonely twin bed.  I didn't want to do anything to it because I felt like it would be transformed soon into what it was always supposed to be.  But over time it became a dumping ground for displaced items from other rooms while we were working on other projects.  Whenever we had company over I'd just close the door on it...which I probably would have done all the time if the cat's food dish wasn't in the closet.  It got to a point where I didn't want to look at that room...could hardly stand being in it because the dreams I had had for it seemed to be buried and out-of-reach in the mess that consumed the room.

It wasn't until after school was out that we finally cleared the junk from the room and started transforming it.  I was past 20 weeks by then and finally beginning to embrace that I would get a chance to rock our baby and sing and read to him in that room.

I'm not entirely finished, but I am getting awfully close.  So I thought I'd share the "before" and "after" pictures that I do have.

BEFORE-ish (all four corners of the room):

 

AFTER (three corners...still waiting on my grandma's old rocker to get refinished):

 

It's a little ridiculous how much time I spend standing in the doorway of this room day-dreaming.  I even go in there when I am brushing my teeth to just stare.  Our dog, Chester, often camps out right at the base of the crib...and somehow that just melts my heart.

Here are a few close-ups of little projects I've been working on, along with some nursery décor hacking tips.

MOBILE:

People on Etsy.com sell these kinds of mobiles for $95 a pop!  Michaels sells these little wood pieces for $0.29-$0.59 each.  I wanted the mobile to go with the woodland bedding that I got, so I had to get sort of creative with some of the pieces.  Zoo/jungle animals are much more popular right now...so if you wanted to make a jungle or zoo mobile, you'd be set!  You probably wouldn't have to paint over anything.  Also, Michaels had some cute airplane pieces that would make an adorable mobile.

 

After painting the pieces I had my sister spray them with a glossy-crafty-finishing-spray that pregnant people probably shouldn't inhale.  I used the smallest bit for my electric drill to make holes in the pieces. and fishing line to attach them to the grape-vine wreath (I've seen people use an embroidery hoop wrapped in ribbon, which is also very cute).  When it was all said and done, I think I spent about $14 on supplies...and that doesn't include my teacher discount!  I am really pleased with the finished product:

 

 

POT-HOLDERS:

 

Okay, so they are not actually pot-holders.  But a lot of the bedding sets come with soft wall art that might as well be pot-holders because that is exactly what it looks like.  I think maybe the idea is that if the art falls off the wall while your baby is sleeping it won't make them bleed or bruise...maybe just suffocate them because what is a pot-holder if not a mini bumper pad??  (Apparently bumpers are a "no no," but they sell them anyway).

 

Well, the bedding set I got came with these little pot-holders, which although they were cute, I thought were pretty tacky and would be more useful in the kitchen.  I figured that's where I'd use them until I found some frames (again at Michaels) that were the perfect size.  I had to take out the glass because otherwise I couldn't get the back of the frame on...but I think a simple frame really transforms them.  Check it out:

 

 

 

Oh, BTW, do you see the little figurine on the shelf with the owl?  It is St. Joseph (patron saint of fatherhood).  My husband is catholic.  Last weekend when he left I noticed this little contribution he had made to the nursery...I've kind of been taking charge in there.  I've vetoed some of his ideas in the past, but thought this one was so sweet and perfect.  It feels like a little piece of JT will be with us...and somebody will be looking out...even when he is hours away.  

 

CANVAS QUOTES:

I saw this quote on a canvas at Target that I fell in love with, but I didn't love the canvas itself.  So, Michaels to the rescue again!  They had these pre-painted little canvases on sale 70% off.  I bought a few and made the one for the shelves (above) as well as these for over the crib.  I love how they turned out, but I think I'll outline the letters with brown because the white is pretty subtle. 

 

Well folks, that's about all I have for you right now...or all that I have for this bump/nursery post.  I always think these posts will be short and sweet, but I end up rambling on and on.  So, congrats to you if you made it all the way to the end! 

 

Babymoon??

So, there's this term out there: babymoon.  You've heard of it, I'm sure.

I looked it up on Wikipedia, because don'tcha know, Wikipedia is a fantastic reference tool (*wink*) in our modern era, and it said:

A babymoon is a related term and refers to a vacation taken by a couple either soon before, or soon after, the birth of their baby, like the honeymoon which follows a wedding. The concept was first popularized in the 1990s as a period that parents spend bonding with a recently born baby. In the 2000s, it also described a vacation taken by a couple that is expecting a baby, in order to allow the couple to enjoy a final trip together before the baby is born. 

Well, I guess we sort of went on a babymoon this past weekend.  Sort of. 

But let's get one thing straight: it was NOTHING like our honeymoon.  We had a great time just being in the company of each other, but everything else seemed to flop a bit.  It was comical really.  And will make for good memories.

I was soooo looking forward to getting away with JT, even if only for a weekend.  Last week was full of anxiety for me...pregnancy hormones, life, overwhelming-need-to-nest-this-whole-dang-house anxiety. 

The week started off great!  On Monday (I guess not this Monday, but the last...June 23rd) I got to see our favorite little guy.  He's looking so cute and is measuring right on track.  His heart rate was 125, but then the tech retook it because she didn't like it that low and got a reading of 142 which she said was much better.  He weighed in around 1lb 8oz and I was measuring right around where I should be too.

I took my mom to the appointment since JT couldn't be there, and that ended up being pretty special.  We got to see Ziggy open and close his mouth and stick his fingers in.  We also got to see his legs crossed at the ankles again, just like in the 10.5 week ultrasound photos...that endearing quality that I fell in love with immediately! 

The only complaint I have about the appointment (because, come on, I've got to complain a little bit) is that Monday morning at 8:00 was probably not the best time to schedule.  I think I showed up for my appointment before half of the office showed up for work.  Many of the people I encountered seemed like I remember feeling on Monday mornings in May and June..."Do I really have to be here?"  They were cranky and tired.  ANNNND I had to wait 35 minutes with a full bladder before getting called back.  They couldn't have been behind because I was the first appointment.  I actually spoke up to the receptionist at 8:25 and asked, "How much longer...I didn't want to be obnoxious, but I was getting pretty uncomfortable."  I didn't expect to, but I actually had to fight through some tears it was beginning to hurt so bad.

When they finally did call me back, the u/s tech said, "Oh, you're far enough along you wouldn't have needed a full bladder."  Nice.  Thanks for sharing that with me NOW.  So, when I asked if I could go then she said, "Well, no...let's look at the baby's position first...it might be good that your bladder is full."

So then I had to go another 10 minutes on the table with her pushing on my bladder.  I couldn't even enjoy that part of it I was trying so hard not to cry or pee.  She got a good look at his heart (which is one thing they didn't get to see so well last time), but said his spine looked funny because they (Ziggy and Mega-bladder) were fighting for space.  So...she let me pee.  And then we got to see all this cuteness (plus a spine that was looking much more "baby" and much less "snake").

I kind of had a little freak out moment, but tried to play it cool and said something like, "It looks like he has a black eye," hoping she would chuckle at me and placate me and give me some explanation to calm me down when really I was thinking, "Oh my gosh!  Is something wrong with his eye?!? Did I do that?!"

Instead (maybe we can blame Monday) she ignored me and from that point I stopped trying to interact with her and just talked with my mom about how adorable and loved this little guy is.

Woops.  This started as a babymoon post...

So, the week started off great. Healthy baby = happy mommy.

Then I had to take my car in to the shop because the service engine light had been on awhile and none of the normal, simple tricks made it go off.  There weren't any symptoms though, so I figured they would just be able to reset the light and everything else would be fine. 

I ended up being carless for a couple days, but ran around with my mom shopping for bedding and a dresser for the nursery.  The first day was fun and exciting.  I had a couple different ideas in mind and found a few bedding options that would work.  I spent a lot of time looking at stuff online and getting more ideas than I needed.  I couldn't sleep that night because I was so confused about which route to go.  I know.  About bedding.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Dresser shopping was less thrilling.  One day was a complete bust.  We went to a half dozen furniture stores and nothing seemed right.  So we scheduled another day to go out looking on the other side of town.

Meanwhile, I got my car back and it cost way more than I was expecting.  Some valve was stuck open and was interfering with emissions and would eventually...honestly, who cares.  It just sucked to pay for that on the same day I planned to try my luck again with dressers and bedding.  In addition to that, I had also just written a big fat check to the guy redoing our sprinkler system.  Same day.  It put me in a rotten mood because spending lots of money in little bits of time freaks me out!  I saw a couple dressers that might have worked...but they were too expensive.

By this point in the week my anxiety was mounting.  I felt like I had this long list of things to do and to get and I hadn't accomplished any of it after nearly a week of fruitless outings...and I had managed to spend lots of money with (what felt like) little to show for it.  Yay, new sprinklers and the light on my dash isn't on anymore!  Important stuff, but not fun stuff to spend money on. 

Long story shorter...I eventually found a dresser and got a banging deal on it, which turned my whole week around.

However, by the time Friday rolled around I was definitely ready to get the heck outta dodge and have a romantic weekend with my husband.  I happily hopped in the car, dropped the dogs at the kennel, and made the three hour drive to where he is doing his cadet duty this summer. 

Friday night we had pizza and watched a movie in his apartment.  The place itself is pretty nice, but it is very bare-bones.  He's only really there to eat and sleep.  And he's only really there for the summer before he heads to academy.  So, he has a chair, a twin mattress on the floor, a TV (that only plays movies), and a TV tray.  And a box that he uses as a foot stool. And that's about it.  Pretty romantic setting, right?

He ended up sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor that night and let me and Ziggy have the mattress.  In the morning our plan was to drive up to some of the places he could later be stationed and just get a feel for them...walk around, check out the neighborhoods, parks, etc.  The drive was beautiful, but about 1 hour in it started raining.  About 2 hours in (maybe our second rest stop??) we received a call from our credit card company that there had been some suspicious spending with our card.  Sure enough, the spending wasn't ours, so we had to freeze the card.

We had expected to be at our first destination in 3 hours and do lunch and some sight seeing there.  But that leg of the trip took longer than expected and it was still raining like crazy, so we decided to press on to the place where we planned to spend the night and just have an early dinner. 

We ended up getting stuck in traffic/construction and tacked some more unexpected time onto our trip.  Eventually we made it to destination #2 (my husband's hometown growing up) and had dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant there.  After dinner we visited his old neighborhood and elementary school.  We even went to Babies R' Us so I could show him what I'd been up to all week.  He found a little tuxedo onesie that he really wanted to buy, but we refrained and left empty-handed.

We moseyed our way to the hotel we normally stay at and they were completely booked.  So we checked some other hotels...also booked.  We decided that even though it was getting late, we'd head to destination #3 and just stay there for the night instead.  Sure, that meant cutting out the botanical gardens, but we could hit those on the way back if we really wanted. 

So, we got back in the car and headed north.  Blizzards from  Dairy Queen were the new priority.  That and finding a place to stay.  We did find a Dairy Queen.  At 10:08.  Pretty sure they closed at 10:00.  So we got McFlurries instead, which were okay, but are not the same.  We started checking hotels to no avail.  Everywhere around there was booked too.  In fact, one of the ladies at one of the hotels filled me in on the events of the weekend and asked where we were headed.  I said," Anywhere we can find a room" and she basically told me we were out of luck...unless we headed much further north.  At another place I asked if I could at least use the bathroom and was told, "Sorry, I'm not supposed to let you."  That made me mad: clearly pregnant woman, late at night, been looking for a place to stay...come on lady!

The only real options we had were to sleep in the car.  Ummm, not happening.  Or to go back to JT's crash pad...we had taken the scenic route and some detours to get where we were, but it would still be another 3 hours in the car...and it was already 11:00.  By this point I was getting VERY uncomfortable.  My belly was sort of cutting off circulation to my legs and I was tired of being bent at a 90 degree angle.  We hadn't gotten nearly as much walking in as planned and we had spent way longer in the car than originally anticipated.  I wasn't drinking as much water as usual because I didn't want to have to use the restroom as frequently as I normally do.  The part of the trip I had been looking forward to most was just cuddling up in some luxurious bed.  3 more hours in the car sounded like hell.  But, what else could we do?

When we finally made it back, all three of us slept on the twin mattress.  It actually wasn't too bad...we were so tired, I don't think we moved much.  Except for when a terrible leg cramp woke me from my sleep.  The next day we were good and lazy.  Nothing had really worked out the way we had talked about, but we were okay with it.  We had lots of good conversation and laughs and just enjoyed each other.  I spent one more night there...again all of us on the twin mattress...and drove home the next morning after dropping JT off at work.

Some babymoon, aye?  All in all though, it was a wonderful weekend hanging out with my best friend: reminiscing about the past, laughing about the present, dreaming about the future.

25 weeks

 

Love this guy!

 

What Dreams May Come

When I started this blog I thought it would mostly be about teaching, with a little infertility stuff sprinkled in.  I thought maybe I could get really ambitious and make all sorts of cute wonderful things that other teachers would want...and maybe even pay me for eventually! 

Ha.

No thank you.  I don't think this blog will ever be what I originally dreamed it might.  That's so much work and there are already so many women out there who do it better than I ever could.  I would forever be feeling inferior.  I'll just leave it to them and buy their cute stuff.

So, the blog quickly became more infertility focused until that surprise egg that managed to get fertilized back in January.  And it was a surprise.  A WONDERFUL surprise! But left me thinking "what now?" in terms of the blog.  Since then it has been a place to document this pregnancy and some of my thoughts...but it's been tricky deciding what to post, where I stand as an IFer/preggo, and whether or not anyone cares at all.  My posts don't write themselves in my head the way they did before I got pregnant.  By that I mean I was living in my head...thinking about IF constantly.  The blog was a way to release all that had been swirling around in there and was therapeutic in that sense.

I have had plenty on my mind since becoming pregnant and I am thinking that in addition to this being a place for me to document pregnancy and tell the occasional funny first grade story, perhaps the best use of this quaint little space I've staked out in the blogsphere is as a dumping ground for what's on my mind.

Without further ado, let me fill you in on the latest.

My husband has been per suing (weird, I thought that was one word, but spell check says no) a new career since September.  Maybe you would even call it soul-searching.  He finished getting his MBA last August where he focused mostly on finance and he had been working as a medical reimbursement consultant for 6 years since graduating with a BA in economics.  When he decided to pursue law enforcement it came as a shock to many...I mean, it doesn't exactly line up with everything he has studied or done to this point.  But it didn't surprise me at all.  It seemed like such a perfect fit on so many levels.  I was onboard from the beginning...weirdly calm about this dramatic shift because it felt right for him and for us even though it was bound to come with some sacrifices and major challenges.

The hiring process is long and challenging and not completely unlike our experience with infertility.  I won't get into specifics because he didn't ask for his life to broadcast on the internet, but there was lots of waiting between different stages of the process.  Plenty of not-knowing and feeling out-of-control...doing everything in your power to achieve a dream and still not being sure that it was going to be enough.  Oh, and then there were the irritating things that people said.  And finally, in what I thought was the end, after doing so well on everything, his body didn't cooperate.  At the very last stage of being accepted he was medically disqualified.  It seemed sooo unfair because he would have been so right for the job!  Sound familiar???

He's an amazing man, and a fighter, and he managed to walk through a door that most people would have thought had been slammed shut.

I am so damn proud of him. 

Well, that brings us to now.  

On June 8 (the Sunday before my last week of school) he moved three hours away to work as a trooper cadet for the summer.  We are able to talk every night and he comes home on the weekends.

He will be there until September 8 when he starts training (arming/academy).  He will be about 5-6 hours away during the training which lasts roughly 6 months unless he gets more cadet duty during that time.  I intend to stay here and he will either drive or fly home on weekends...which may seem ridiculous, but I think is our best option.  My family is here, my friends are here, my job is here, my doctor is here.  I have a network here.  Besides, it is a "live-in" academy, meaning if I was closer to him I still wouldn't get to see him during the week.  So I would be alone in a new place with a new baby...I would have to pack up and move only to potentially do it all over again at the end of training.  Sounds like a recipe for disaster if you know me like I know me.

That first week he was gone was just nuts because it was the last week of school too.  I was so busy I hardly had time to think much of it...but I had my weak moments and did most of my crying that week.  Last week and this week have really been fine.  I've been keeping pretty busy and I really look forward to weekends.  Our time together feels so much more valuable now that it is limited. 

Last weekend JT painted the nursery and built the crib.  So this week I have started in on searching out décor and furniture.  One of my sisters and a sister-in-law are throwing me a shower in mid-August...so I've also been working on the guest list and thinking about a registry.  In addition to that I am trying to chip away at the ever-growing to-do list that I want to accomplish before baby arrives.  It's fun, and I am so glad I have the summer to dedicate to this sort of thing, but I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed by it all.  Things are getting really real folks! And I keep wondering if I can possibly be ready in 15 weeks!?!?

The dogs are having a tough time adjusting to JT being gone, but they are good company...and lucky me, I get to be with Ziggy 24/7.  That little guy makes me so happy.  This is tough and certainly not ideal, but I can't imagine trying to cope with a long-distance marriage and infertility at the same time.

I try to play music and talk to the pets/Ziggy/MYSELF just so Ziggy doesn't get to used to it being quiet all the time.  When JT calls I put him on speaker for awhile so Ziggy can still hear his voice. 

I've been staying up later 1.) because it's summer and I don't have to go to work, and 2.) because Ziggy gets most active around 11 or 12 and I like to be awake for it.  But I've been having trouble sleeping because I just have so much on my mind.  Hopefully dumping some of it here will mean better rest!

It's really not bad.  I am managing and will continue to do just fine.  I am so happy.  I am so proud.  I miss JT so much.  I am in love with our baby.  I am exhausted.  I am anxious.  I am nesting.  I am blessed.  It's just weird...I never thought that all our dreams coming true could be so hard.

Random Thoughts

So, I'm not sure what any of this is worth or whether or not any of it could constitute its own post, but I have some random pregnancy-related thoughts.  And frankly I am too tired to organize them into anything more clever than what they are...so here you go...

• I miss belt loops.  And belts for that matter.  You would think with an ever-expanding belly and an elastic waistband that grazes your rib cage, keeping pants up wouldn't be a problem.  Well, wrong.  I am constantly pulling my pants up, but don't know what to grab...I usually have to put my index finger in the front pocket and my thumb in the back and do this "pinch and pull" maneuver if I care to avoid the saggy-butt look.
• I hope that doesn't sound like me complaining.  Every minor inconvenience of pregnancy is soooo worth it...and is exactly what I wanted.  The good. The bad. The ugly.  The experience. (Keep that in mind as you continue through my random thoughts).
• The worst part about the saggy pants thing is when they take your underwear with them.  There is no inconspicuous way to fix that problem.  Good thing I go to the bathroom every half hour so I can adjust my droopy drawers.
• That sounds gross.
• But I'm not sorry.
• I refer to myself as "we" a lot now.  Like, when I talk to my husband on the phone and he asks how I'm doing I say, "We are fine."  Or I'll announce to the pets that "We are home."  We also get tired.  We get hungry.  We go to work and the mailbox and Target.  We even play tag...or at least we try.  It's kind of fun to never be alone.   
• It's a little stupid how upset I am about having to take out my belly button piercing.  Okay, it's a lot stupid.  I guess there are bars you can buy that expand with your tummy and I was going to do that, but the jewelry just looks dumb under bump-hugging clothing.  And it was starting to get uncomfortable.  I think I took it out around 17 weeks??  But then for a few weeks after that I would put it back in on the weekends so the hole didn't grow closed.  That was fine for a week or two.  But after that it got pretty tricky trying to get it in and my belly button got sore and red.  One day I caught it on something, it pulled and the hole started bleeding.  So I decided to give up since I was being ridiculous.  And vain.  It's been a few weeks since that happened and sometimes I inspect the little hole...I can't tell if it is stretched so tight that it appears like it is closing or if it is, in fact, actually closing.  I've had it pierced for almost 11 years, so I'm hoping it is permanent and will go back to normal-ish after Ziggy arrives. 
• I got my belly-button pierced the same day I met my husband for the first time.  It was July and I had just turned 18.  I was showing my best friend how brave and rebellious I felt and this guy she worked with was refilling the salsa bar at Senor Froggies.  It wasn't exactly love at first sight...but I think the two of us saying "hello" gave her the idea to play match-maker.  JT was still a little heart-broken from a relationship that ended right before prom and I was seriously interested in finding a boyfriend since I never really had any in high school.  I was hoping college would present more options/opportunities for dating.  JT and I were headed to the same college in the fall.  She saw the potential and very methodically facilitated the beginning stages of our relationship.  And the rest, as they say, is history.  Maybe that's why I'm so attached to the silly thing.  It marked the beginning of my young adulthood, my years of college, and the beginning of dating my husband.    It is kind of a symbol of that chapter in my life.  It was the beginning of me really turning into me...away from my family and out on my own.  And though I am thrilled to be starting a new chapter, removing the belly-button ring is like that "me" chapter coming to a close.  The "we" chapter begins... 
• That sounds sappy and ridiculous.
• For that, I AM sorry.
• Yesterday was field day.  It kicked my pregnant butt.  I think I am in pretty decent shape and that this pregnancy is progressing rather smoothly.  I haven't really noticed too many limitations physically yet.  But being outside, on my feet, in the sun with a bunch of hyper firsties all afternoon drained me like you wouldn't believe.  Every time I sat down yesterday evening I feared I wouldn't get up. 
• It is a small miracle I got out of bed this morning.
• Monday night I stayed up waaaaaay too late.  Or was it Tuesday?  Or was it both?  Anyhow: I stayed up late one night and Ziggy got REALLY active.  I am not sure if he is normally awake then and I just sleep through it or if it is a new thing or a one time thing.  But he was moving around like crazy and I could SEE him and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.  I even laughed out loud and asked him what he was doing.  I've seen a few of his movements before, but hardly ever do I get to see a whole series of movements.  And all I wanted was for his dad to be there to see it, but he was out of town.
• And now I think I'm about to have my second exhausted-end-of-the-year-pregnancy-hormone-inhanced-husband's-out-of-town meltdown of the day.

So...we'll be signing off and heading toward bed.  In the morning we will go to our last day of school this year!!  Can we get an "amen"? 

Here's a Quickie ;)

Hi y'all!

What a crazy couple of weeks it has been...lots going on, lots to share...I swear I've been writing posts in my head for weeks.  Some of them deep, some funny, some celebratory, some whiney.  But alas, I need to fold laundry and get to bed so I can make it through one more week of school. 

Hallelujah, BTW. 

1 more week of school.

I am ready for summer...and think I am feeling the nesting instinct coming on pretty strong.  I am trying to hold off on hunting for cobwebs, cleaning light fixtures, vacuuming every nook and cranny, etc. until I get out of school. But seriously, all those little things are glaring at me all the time and starting to make me mad. 

Like the crazy kind of mad.  Insane!

Anyhow...biggest baby news since my last post??? 

It's a BOY!!!

And gosh darn it if he isn't the cutest little fella I ever did see...

Love those little dukes:)

Here he is all curled up and attempting to suck his thumb.  It was so cute...he kept opening his mouth and fumbling around but couldn't quite get what he was after.

Profile shot in 2D

This is him resting on his arm and the placenta like a little pillow.

And some tiny toes...

 

Even better news than being able to say "he" instead of baby or he/she all the time is that everything they needed to measure looked great and he had a heartbeat of 138.  He was pretty comfy with his head on my right side and his feet over on the left, tummy facing up toward my ribs. They were trying to get him to flip around a bit for some other measurements of his heart and spine and he just wasn't being real cooperative.  His active times are pretty consistently between 10-11 (both am and pm) and also in the 5-7pm window.  I wasn't too upset he was being stubborn though, because that just means I get to see him again in a couple of weeks:).

I can't remember exactly where I left off, but here are last week's belly pics on "Gender Reveal Day."

21 weeks 

 

Now seriously, I've got to go move some laundry!

What's New?

Prepare yourself for a rambling post...I think you're about to get one.

So..."What's new?" you may (or may not) be wondering, since it has been a couple weeks since my last post.

Answer: the KinderCoaster that is my life continues with its ups and downs, but not the really big kinds, just enough to keep things interesting. 

Lately I've been in a bit of a down swing with no real reason.  I've just been feeling some anxiety and having some morbid dreams (both day and night) about baby.  The nightmares have been going on for awhile and leave me feeling uneasy when I wake up, but the "day-mares" are new.  I'm chalking it up to pregnancy hormones, but it also could just be "me" because I am no stranger to anxiety.  I'll be sitting around, rubbing my stomach or singing to baby, daydreaming about our little one with his/her cute little feet crossed, maybe sucking a thumb and wiggling a bit in his/her amniotic sack when all of a sudden the picture in my mind flashes to a lifeless fetus.  Or I'll be thinking of our upcoming 21 week ultrasound...my husband and I staring excitedly at the screen waiting to see what this little person is up to, and the image flashes to a concerned ultrasound tech who can't find a heartbeat.  Or I'll be envisioning the day that I go to the hospital...totally huge and waddling in the door...eager to meet this baby in person for the first time...I'm a total warrior through labor (remember, a girl can dream) and my husband is holding my hand and kissing my head and smiling with those gray eyes of his that I hope our baby inherits...and the image flashes to the doctor holding up a silent, purple baby. 

I push the bad thoughts away as quickly as they enter and try to replace them with the happy ones they interrupted, but it is still disturbing that they keep cropping up.  And it doesn't really help that I've felt smaller this week than last week.  What's that about?  And it also doesn't help that I've thought I've felt the baby on a few different occasions, but then will go days without feeling anything (no matter how much I push and poke to try to coax out a kick).

My husband jokes with me, "Stop poking so much...you're going to make Ziggy stupid!"

Oh, "Ziggy" is what we've (or I should say he's) been calling baby since the beginning. At first I protested the name because I felt like he just started using it without consulting me (so I retaliated by using "Dot" without consulting him).  And also it reminds me of a local hardware store here called Ziggy's and I thought that was weird.  But, after awhile "Dot" was so much more than a Dot and Ziggy started to  grow on me.  I think I just fell in love with hearing my husband talk about Ziggy and I've been using it now too for a long time, along with  variations such as "Zig" and "Zigster."

Anyhow, I've been anxious about Ziggy.  I think it has just been too long since I heard/saw/felt him/her and I want some reassurance.  I mean, I guess the weeks have been flying by.  I am now 19 weeks 2 days pregnant!!! But I haven't seen Zig since March 18, haven't heard anything since April 22, and haven't felt anything for about a week. 

About a week and a half ago was the first time I was sure I felt a little burst of baby movement.  Prior to that I had felt much gentler, and always very fleeting, movements a couple times.  The ones that make you go "Hmmm??" But a week and a half ago, I was at my Grandma's house for dinner (every Wednesday is Grandma night...I go for dinner and we either play cards or watch Project Runway afterward).  I was pushing on my stomach with both palms.  I was pushing slowly, but was determined to get a response...so I just kept pushing until something...rather someone...gave me a nice strong kick or punch as if to say, "Cut it out, Mom!"  I was so shocked by the abrupt response that I immediately let go of my stomach and tried to contain my giddiness.

Later, when telling JT about it, we both decided that it was definitely my kid in there. I guess we don't really need proof of that, but I have a tendency to....ummm...explode on occasion.  Most of the time I am a very calm and peaceful person.  I can tolerate a lot of little annoyances, but sometimes they build to a boiling point and I can't take it anymore.  When I was younger and would argue with my little sisters, I think I was pretty level-headed.  They'd be yelling and screaming, or sometimes even kicking or slapping, and I'd just stand my ground and try to defuse the situation until...BOP...I couldn't take it anymore!  I'd give them a quick BOP square on the top of their head with my palm.  They'd be so startled for the sudden outburst that they would completely freeze for a few seconds and then start bawling.  I was often surprised too...feeling like it was just a reflex and out of my control...and I'd apologize profusely and hug them and beg them not to tell on me. 

Another example is when our cat used to circle my head in the wee hours of the morning, purring and carrying on and wanting me to get up and feed her or give her attention.  She has since learned her lesson and doesn't bug me anymore, but I used to let her do this for an INSANE amount of time...thinking if I ignored her, she would stop.  Never expect a cat to reason like a human.  But then, when she didn't, I would catapult her across the room without warning.  Cats are smarter than little sisters, maybe, because I think that only happened about three times ever.  I can't count how many times I bopped my little sisters on the head.

Eeesh...I feel like I am airing some dirty laundry here.  Try not to judge too hard...or if you judge, don't tell me about it, because judgment is like my ultimate fear.  Or maybe judge me AND tell me about it so I can overcome my fear...

Do whatever you want...

So, once again, I've digressed.  The point of all this is that we decided, as far as we can tell, Ziggy is mostly calm, but a little explosive, like me.  We'll see if that holds true in the future...

Other than the anxiety, I have been doing great.  Ligament pain continues and this week I added a little joint pain in my knees to the list, but neither is bad.  I've stopped working out with my friends after school because I think the workouts we were doing were a little too vigorous for a pregnant lady...so I am going back to prenatal yoga courtesy of youtube.  I've been all about fruit for a week or so...can't get enough and recently have been craving peanut butter and honey toast.  I'm starting to get eager to clean out the nursery and start shopping and decorating,  but I am holding off until after school is out.  By then we'll know the gender too, so that may influence some of my decisions. 

Oh, and good news on the job front for my husband!  Still not ready to talk about it here, but things are looking a little more hopeful after the blow he took a few weeks back.  Hooray about that!

So overall, I am great.  A little exhausted, but great.  This is an exhausting time of the year...there is so much to do as the school year comes to a close and kids are getting excited (or experiencing their own anxiety) about summer and behaviors change.  My kids have been NUTS these past couple of weeks: very chatty, very tattle-y, very whine-y.  I haven't bopped any of them on the head or anything, but they have been wearing me out!  Yesterday though it was a little overcast, the school carnival had been the night before, they were coming off of a full moon Wednesday, and I had 4 absent.  It was like someone shot them all with tranquilizers and it was sooooo nice.  If the last 18 days could feel like that??? Ahhh...more dreaming interrupted by crying and arguing and wild children.  Oh well, it was a blissful way to start the weekend anyway.

In all honesty, this has been my favorite group of kids to date.  I always love my firsties, but each group takes on a group-personality and each class has been as different as the individuals within it.  I will definitely be sad to see these guys go, but am looking forward to summer and baby-prep officially starting in 18 (work) days!!!

17 weeks

 

18 weeks